Toxic Workplace? Buy this Book
"It's Not You" by Dr Ramani Durvasula is required reading.
I write Toxic Workplace Survival Guy because toxic workplaces make me angry. I want to help as many people as possible do as I did: survive long enough to emerge with my mental health, dignity and career intact, on my own terms. I’m committed to sharing everything I learned the hard way. A big thank-you to all those who’ve endorsed this project by becoming a paid subscriber: Your generosity helps make Toxic Workplace Survival Guy sustainable.
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Survival Tool Number#6: A Copy of It’s Not You
Toxic Workplace Survival Guy wouldn’t normally recommend a book he hasn’t actually read.
But I’m telling you to immediately buy a copy of Dr Ramani Durvasula’s new book It’s Not You: How to Identify and Heal from NARCISSISTIC People.
Why so confident?
Because Dr Ramani Durvasula is the patron saint of the toxic workplace.
A clinical psychologist based in Los Angeles, she has done a huge service to people stuck (for now) in toxic workplaces with her years of making YouTube videos unpacking the mind-bending irrationality and insidious control mechanisms of the narcissistic personality style.
Toxic Workplace Survival Guy has marinaded in these videos for years now.
And can attest that they saved his sanity.
You must understand:
Narcissism is the source code of the virus infecting your workplace.
It is the Alpha and Omega of why your workplace is so toxic.
It is the pulsing, radioactive, career death-dealing core.
It is the psychological mechanism destroying our planet.
It is evil — pure and simple.
So you cannot hope to survive your toxic workplace without arming yourself with a basic understanding of how narcissists try to manipulate, control, gaslight and ultimately destroy you.
An Antidote to Naivety
Some people shun psychological labels — fearing they create stereotypes that obscure individual differences, and stigmatise vulnerable people.
People who say this may be well-intentioned, but they are a liability in the toxic workplace.
In a toxic workplace, ignoring narcissism on the grounds you don’t like labels would be like taking a stroll through a minefield without a metal detector, on the grounds you object to its colour scheme.
To survive, you must become a student of narcissism.
And you must gain a working knowledge of the three core narcissistic personality styles, all found in abundance in toxic workplaces:
Overt: The classic, arrogant, controlling, entitled corner-office bully.
Covert: Oscillating between back-handed put-downs and pity plays.
Communal: Over-the-top virtue signaling in public, cruel in private.
Future editions of Toxic Workplace Survival Guy will walk you through the basics.
But for now, go out and buy Dr Ramani’s book.
By absorbing her deep insights into narcissism, you’ll learn the basic rules of a game you didn’t even know you were playing.
You’ll finally understand the contorted logic ruling the narcissistic mind.
And you can begin to reliably predict the narcissist’s next move.
Above all, you can integrate the certainty in every cell of your being that the narcissist will never change.
As H.G. Tudor — the anonymous narcissism expert (himself a self-described narcissist) — often says in his YouTube videos: “Once you know, you go.”
You cannot stay in an environment ruled by narcissists indefinitely.
Once you’ve spotted this pattern, you must make a plan to distance yourself.
In the meantime, Dr Ramani will equip you with the foresight you need to avoid the shit-smeared punji sticks narcissists leave in wait for the uninitiated, and the guile you need to get out.
Summary
To survive your toxic workplace, you must acquire a working knowledge of how narcissism presents in its overt, covert and communal forms. This knowledge will spare you fatal errors and — because narcissists are so tediously predictable — help you stay several steps ahead.
More on Dr Ramani
Dr Ramani Durvasula is a licensed clinical psychologist, Professor Emerita of Psychology at California State University Los Angeles and the Founder and CEO of LUNA Education, Training & Consulting. She discusses narcissism on her popular YouTube channel, on social media as @DoctorRamani on her popular online program on healing from narcissistic abuse and as the host of the podcast ‘Navigating Narcissism’ with Dr Ramani.1
If you enjoy Toxic Workplace Survival Guy, then please do check out my sister publication Resonant World, serving the global movement dedicated to healing individual, inter-generational and collective trauma.
I write Toxic Workplace Survival Guy during my spare time from working as an editor at nonprofit climate news service DeSmog (a model workplace). Subscribing, sharing, liking, commenting or buying me a coffee helps make this project sustainable. Thank you!